


Close To You

by rocksteadyshefani



Category: Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-07 19:43:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11630562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocksteadyshefani/pseuds/rocksteadyshefani
Summary: This is a 5-chapter fiction that describes 5 different scenarios of how our favorite couple had their first kiss.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BitchLikeHomegirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitchLikeHomegirl/gifts).



> Something new I've been working on. I wouldn't have posted this if it weren't for Jo. A huge shoutout to her amazing ideas and overwhelming support. Love you boo!! This one's for you!

She's worried. Not because he's ever been anything but truthful with her, but because her mind still won't allow her to believe that this feeling could possibly be real right now.

A couple months ago, she was convinced she wouldn't use her heart again, - _couldn't_. Everything she fought so hard for to have, was taken away from her. The family she dreamed of having, ever since she was a little girl, turned out to be built on lies and infidelity. The everlasting marriage of her parents, suddenly no longer served as a guarantee of her own. There's never been a time where she understood the phrase 'my heart is tired' more than she did then.

But, it's wide awake now.

Slowly but surely, she'd been opening up to Blake. It may have took his walls to crumble first, before she could let hers down, but as soon as they did, there was no going back.

He made her feel understood, validated and most importantly less alone. Finding someone who could relate to her situation as much as he did, was enough to speed up her healing progress. There's still a long way to go, and she's going to be dealing with the aftermath of everything that happened for quite some time, but the future is looking bright again.

And she owes a lot of that to a special cowboy.

She hasn't seen him for a couple weeks. She's been spending most of her time with her kids (she always loved being their mom, but she can't deny that ever since she has to split time with her ex, she's been cherishing their moments even more) and he had some business to take care of in Oklahoma.

She hadn't realized exactly how deep her feeling for him went, until these days without him. To say she's missing him would be an understatement. They've been texting a little, but it was nothing compared to what she'd gotten accustomed to.

A small part of her thinks this time apart might be for the best; she's way too attached to him as it is already. Maybe this is what she needs to create some distance. God knows diving in head-first hadn't been working out well for her at all. A bigger part of her told her this was different though. With Blake, she felt like the feeling was mutual, her feelings were reciprocated. His words had matched his actions and she desperately wanted more of those.

They haven't taken their relationship to the next level yet, hell, there wasn't even an official relationship to begin with, but she definitely has been thinking about it. She knows it's soon, but this level of security and peace had been foreign to her before Blake. So when he announced he was coming back to LA, she jumped at the opportunity to see him. Subtlety has never been her strong suit.

" _Oh god_ Jen, I don't even know what I'm doing". The words came out rushed and panicked and if it wasn't for her sister in law's calming nature, she for sure would've lost it.

"Honey breathe, you're going to be just fine", she said as she gently gestured for Gwen to turn around, zipping her up from the back. "You've done this before, remember?"

"I haven't been on an actual date in _decades_."

It was in a moment of boldness that she initiated this date (boldness or desperation, probably both), as he announced his return to L.A, but her nerves were catching up with her. She figured they'd go out to a fancy restaurant, with loud background noises that would almost ruin the intimacy of the moment, but instead he offered to cook for her at his place. The thoughtfulness hadn't surprised her one bit, but the reciprocated excitement sure did.

"Isn't it too much?" She suddenly blurred out, her hands smoothing over the fabric of her dress.

"Girl if you don't shut up." Jen laughed.

"I'm serious. Doesn't it kind of send the wrong message?"

"What message would that be?"

"The ' _hurry up and fuck me_ ' kind?"

The bluntness of her answer seemed to throw her sister in law off for a second, but she quickly recovered. "Sounds like the right message to me."

"I'm so not ready for that yet." Her sassy attitude from earlier had made room for the quiet, more reserved one and she was thankful for Jen knowing how to deal with them all. "And that's okay, Gwen. Just have fun, live in the moment and see where it takes you."

She nodded her head in agreement and claimed one last hug for some final encouragement, before heading out the door.

" _Just have fun, live in the moment and see where it takes you."_

She had no idea where tonight was going to take her, but she sure had some hopes. Boy she's in trouble.

**

The moment she gets out of her car, her hands start trembling. She doesn't know why she's suddenly so nervous, I mean, she had hung out with him plenty times before. No matter what happens, this is still Blake. The same Blake she's gotten so comfortable around, the same Blake that has talked her off the ledge plenty of times. She repeats the words to herself a few more times before ringing the door bell.

The door swings open and she's momentarily shocked by how suddenly aware of his attractiveness she is. He's in some simple blue jeans and (well-fitting) plaid shirt, but he looks _really_ good. 

She's about to apologize for awkwardly staring at him, but reconsiders when she notices he's doing the same. She knows she took a risk by choosing a tight black dress, with a V in the front, exposing just enough cleavage. His reaction makes her minor freak-out from earlier well worth it though.

" _Gwen_ …" he breathes. "You look….", he doesn't finish his sentence, just shakes his head as he playfully whistles.

"You're not so bad yourself, cowboy" she murmurs.

After some more intense staring on his part, she decides to tease him a little. "Cowboy, are you ever going to invite me in or not?"

 _"Shit, sorry_ ," he huffs, "I'm so distracted. Come in." He takes her hand as he leads the way and their hands touching are sending heat throughout her entire body.

Once inside, she reaches to remove her jacket, but the nerves and excitement won't let her fingers work with her; lacking her usual finesse. Before she realizes it, Blake maneuvered himself behind her, delicately guiding the sleeves down her arms, smirking slightly as her skin broke out in goosebumps.

She doesn't know what changed, but the electricity between them was more prominent than ever; not only did she want more of his touches, she suddenly _craved_ it.

"You okay?" He said as he got the jacket completely off.

" _Yeah_ ". She whispers

He hands her back her jacket, but doesn't move away just yet; the proximity maddening. She's aware of needing to take things slow ,- she's been hurt to much to just jump into this-, but being here with him feels absolutely right.

She doesn't know she drifted of in thought until he spoke up. "Babygirl, you hungry?"

Almost forgetting what she really came here to do, she shoots him a bashful smile. "I could definitely eat some."

**

"Is it weird being here... _like this_?" His voice sounds insecure and she's taken aback by it. He's always been pretty confident with her, and a lot better in 'living in the moment' than she's been so far, but right now his confidence seems to be faltering.

"I thought it would be", she admits. Confidence is built on trust, and trust won't happen unless you're honest, so she decides to lay it all out there. "But it's actually not. I mean I never thought I'd be here, but I'm really glad I am."

"I missed you, _y'know_."

There he goes again with his sheer honesty and it's almost too hard to believe this same guy gets insecure with her as well. It's the biggest paradox.

"I missed you too cowboy. I was meaning to call more, but I was with the kids and...-"

"-You don't have to explain yourself to me, Gwen. I know they're your main focus, I wouldn't want it any other way."

"Thank you", she nearly whispers; not used to the gentleness and care she's showered with anytime she's with him. "For everything."

She's met with the biggest smile and she feels like that might've been the moment he undoubtedly stole her heart.

"How are the kids?"

"They're good under the circumstances. I mean they went from having their family together to suddenly going back and forth between houses", she shudders out a couple of breathes before continuing. "I just want them to be okay, that's all that matters to me and it breaks my heart knowing I caused them any discomfort."

"Gwen, you did nothing wrong." His heart breaks for her.

It's the first time that night, she's not able to look him in the eyes. She adverts her gaze to her feet, fiddling with the wine glass in her hand. The distance between them on the couch suddenly a bit more appreciated.

"You're an amazing mom, Gwen."

She looks up at that, her eyes watering a little, unsure of how to respond to a compliment that emotionally loaded.

" _You don't even know what your words do to me."_

It's not until he's scooting closer to her, his hand lifting her face up to his, that she realizes she said that out loud. " _God_ , I just totally said that out loud, didn't I?" She laughs nervously.

He chuckles at her adorableness, before softly nodding. "You sure did."

She's not sure what made her do it, but she grabs his hand from her face and intertwines their fingers on her lap; she needs to initiate some physical contact, even if it's as innocent as this.

When she catches him staring at her lips, she struggles to find her voice. "Blake, what are we doing?" She manages to stutter out.

"Nothing you don't want to do."

It was such a simple answer, but it really was _everything_. It's everything cause she holds all the cards right now and it's almost too much. There's nothing she doesn't want to do when it comes to him, but she needs to be cautious. Cautious for herself, but also for the three little angels she's responsible for. She's grateful for Blake wanting to do this at her pace, but she needs things to speed up at least a little bit.

Her heart is racing and her body almost feels like it's floating, the thought of this quite possibly being the first time they'll kiss, enough to lose her mind. " _Please_ ", she whispers and just like that, his lips are on hers; swallowing her gasp at the sudden movement

The moment his tongue softly brushed hers, all self control was lost. Her hand stroke through his hair, unintentionally pushing him closer to her, as she moaned into his mouth.

Fire was running through her veins and she said a silent prayer hoping this moment would never end. She knew for a while that kissing him would be great, but she wasn't prepared for the actual thing and the almost sensational feeling that crept into her soul with every brush of his tongue against hers, every soft nibble at her lips.

They broke up their kiss with a pop and just as she started catching her breath, his lips found hers again. "I can't get enough of you, babygirl." He pulled away after one last peck, brushing a loose stray of hair behind her ear.

"Gwen?"

Her voice is nothing but a whisper when she answers. " _Yeah_?"

"Will you stay for a while longer?"

Her eyes widened at his question, but she couldn't hide the smile on her face.

"Does that mean we can make out some more?" She bit her lip flirtatiously.

"I think that can be arranged."

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

“You know you can actually say ‘no’ to him, right?” Blake’s voice is playful, but there’s gentle sincerity dripping from his words.  
  
She smiles at the sound of it.

“I know. It’s just...”, she stops herself mid-sentence, not wanting to sound too mushy, but one look at the cowboy sitting on her trailer’s couch and her earlier intentions are forgotten. “I kinda knew you’d stay behind with me and I didn’t want to hold you back from having fun with the guys, _you know_?”  
  
They’ve been shooting for the Voice almost all day and Adam suggested the idea of going out for drinks after filming was over; she usually loves going out with the guys, but times have been quite emotional lately and the many emotions she’s been going through have done a number on her energy. She’s feeling beyond blessed to have Blake to talk to throughout it all (she never imagined him being the one to help her fight her fights, but he’s been there from the minute she opened up to him and never once seemed to regret his decision), but sometimes she feels like she’s burdening him regardless. He’s spent so many hours talking to her, showing up at her doorstep with a bottle of whatever they were drinking at the moment, or checking up on her in her trailer ( _quite like this_ ), and she’s afraid he’s going to resent her for taking up most of his time.

When Adam had asked her to come out with the guys tonight, she struggled with answering. Not because she feels like she can’t say no to him, but because she desperately hoped Blake would stay behind with her and she wasn’t confident in her ability to hide that from her face. She managed to get the words “ _I’m sorry, I’ll have to pass tonight, I’m kind of exhausted”_ over her lips, but she couldn’t keep them from sounding too guilt-ridden. Blake’s “ _I have a shit-ton to do, so rain check_?” felt both overwhelmingly comforting and like someone knocked the wind out of her.  
  
“Darling trust me, I’ve had enough fun with that asshole to last me a lifetime.” He chuckled. He motioned for her to come sit down and he continued once she did. “Besides, I much rather look at your beautiful self, than his ugly face.”  
  
She laughed out loud at that. She knows he’s joking, since he genuinely loves the hell out of Adam, but their silly banter was always enough to lift her spirits. Also, she couldn’t say his subtle flirtatious comment towards her had gone unnoticed.  
  
“You’re so silly.” She said softly, shaking her head smiling.  
  
Things have been like this between them for a while now. She’s not completely sure when their friendship turned into something much more flirtatious, but she’s not sad about it at all, which is terrifying in its own.  
  
“Is it weird that I always find myself wishing for more time when I'm with you?"

She winces as the words leave her mouth and the surprised expression on Blake's face does nothing to help her. "Oh my god, I'm sorry, that was..-"

"Honest." He cuts her off. " _Relatable_."

The words take a couple seconds to register within her and she can feel her heart-race increasing once they do. It was crazy enough, realizing she thought about him like _that_ for a while now, but knowing it wasn't all in her head and he was feeling it too, had her mind reeling and body floating.

She's been nervous to even admit it to herself, but Blake has been occupying her thoughts twenty-four seven, for quite some time now. It was refreshing to feel something besides the numbness she's gotten accustomed to. The way her heart started beating out of her chest at his name popping up on her phone, was a new sensation she secretly got addicted to as well.

The way Blake cared for her was something she couldn't possibly be prepared for, -but now she knows what that feels like-, she's not sure she could ever go without it again. She's been thinking about where this thing between them might go, now they're both moving on and she's feeling less guilty for feeling less sad everyday.

"Did that freak you out?"

His voice was her gentle reminder she went completely mute after his words and she shakes her head furiously.

"No...no, not at all." _God_ , she's so bad at this. "It just took me by surprise."

He cocks his head slightly, confusion written all over his face. " _Why_?"

"Why what?"

"Why did it surprise you to hear I felt the same way?"

She takes a moment before answering, because every reply that came to mind, sounded way too pathetic to her own ears. The truth is, she finds it hard to believe anyone can feel that type of way about her. Her confidence got shattered with every lie, every insult she's gotten thrown her way over the course of her previous marriage. Having Blake tell her he enjoys spending time with her so much, he finds himself wishing the clock would stop, is almost too insane of a thought.

She settles for an honest answer, -realizing they've both heard enough lies already-. "I didn't think I had the ability to make anyone feel that way."

He shakes his head; a painful expression taking over his features.

"I feel like killing that asshole sometimes." He starts, the roughness in his voice unfamiliar to her (since she's only known him to be beyond gentle).

"You have the ability to do a lot of things." And there's the gentleness she's gotten oh-so used to. "I don't claim to be the smartest person on Earth, but I know for a fact that you brought back the joy to my days."

He knows she gets emotional fast, so she's not embarrassed when she feels herself tear up at his words. She mouths a soft " _thank you_ " his way, and he smiles that smile she's been thinking about way too much lately.

"I still have a bottle of scotch from the last time you were in here. You game?"

His smile widens and he lets out a small laugh. "Somehow ya don't strike me as a scotch kinda girl."

"I'm not", she answers while making her way to one of the cabinets. "That's why it's still in here."

"So you're just using me to get rid of it?" He teases.

"Do you mind?"

He leans back against the couch, with his arm stretched out and she's suddenly hit with the urge to cuddle up against him, basking in the safety of his arms. Arms that so far, she's only been in for comfort, arms that have held her as she cried, but not for anything else. This feels like something else though.

After handing him his glass and sitting back down, she finds herself creating some distance she doesn't even want and she's slightly disappointed when he keeps it that way.

It's a weird feeling to feel desire for someone again, especially considering the person she's feeling it for. She's always had a great chemistry with him and the attraction wasn't necessarily new, but the timing and the fact that he's been her rock throughout her whole situation, almost make this feel forbidden.

Her ability to fight what she's feeling seems to be slowly crumbling though and the liquid courage that she's currently building, has her mind going places.

"Whatcha thinking about, gorgeous?" The endearment leaves his mouth without so much of a second thought and she immediately craves to hear it again.

"I might actually get in trouble if I answer that question", she says lowly and _damnit_ , she's really going there tonight.

Blake doesn't seem intimidated at all, actually furrows his brow and looks at her challenging. "Try me."

If she were drunk, she would've jumped him at this point, but she's _not_ drunk and her clarity seems to be the one thing that gets in her way right now.

"God cowboy, I feel like I'm losing my mind", she chuckles.

She bites her lip and she can see him, _hear_ him, grunt. "I don't want to move too fast or do the wrong thing, but you're making me feel things I haven't felt in such a long time." Her words seem to stumble out of her, unable to stop them. "I probably sound like a crazy person and I'm sorry. It's just... it's crazy how much I want this right now", her voice dropped to barley a whisper as she spoke her next words into existence. "It's crazy how I want _you_."

The words had barely escaped her, before his lips were on hers.

It was messy and desperate; the way their tongues collided, or how his hand tangled in her hair, tearing the moan straight out of her throat.

When they pulled away, they were both slightly gasping for air and she was glad their first kiss happened on a couch, cause she was convinced she wouldn't have been able to keep herself upright if he'd kissed her like that while standing.

She takes the time to really look at him for a while; his eyes are dark and she can tell he's trying to get his breathing under control still. His hand is still placed at the back of her neck and his forehead is lightly resting against hers. She's reluctant about using that word, but the feeling of having him this close is nothing short of _perfect_.

She rubs her thumb along his cheek, feeling a wave of pride and maybe even some possessiveness, cause _yeah_ she really gets to touch him like this now.

"You have some...", she moved her thumb towards his lips, to swipe away some of her smushed lipstick there, but he pulled back quickly.

" _Leave it"_ , he grinned, causing her to giggle.  "I'm gonna need me a reminder later that this actually happened."

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

“He’s _obviously_ been in a much better mood, lately”, he said obliviously. “I’m not pressing him about it yet, but I’m just happy for him.” Adam said.  
  
She just nodded, but deep down she felt all kinds of emotions at the thought of that possibly having something to do with her. “It was really that bad, huh?”  
  
She’s heard all the stories about how he basically spent weeks plastered on Adam’s couch, after he showed up at his doorstep shitfaced drunk and depressed. It’s hard hearing about Blake being that down; it’s hard imagining this larger-than-life person, once being reduced to nothing but sadness and self-loathing.  
  
“Let's just say, I was honestly worried about him ever getting up again.” Adam chimed in, confirming her inner dialogue.  
  
“I’m glad he has you.” And she means it. She can’t begin to tell Adam how much she thanked god for putting him in Blake’s life, especially at a time where he desperately needed a friendship like that. She has to keep herself from word-vomiting all over the place, cause to outsiders (and yes, that also includes Adam) they’re just co-workers, who occasionally talk about their lives and find solace in each other’s understanding.  
  
How their conversations stopped being about their exes for weeks now, is something that’s just between them.  
  
“I love him, man”, Adam says before making his signature stank face. “But please don’t make me say that again.”

  
  
**  
  
It was only the second week of The Voice break and she’d already seen Blake considerably less. She remembered how great Blake dealt with her minor freak-out, right before the last day of taping ended and it only served for missing him more. She was terrified they weren’t going to see each other and for some reason she couldn’t shake the image of him moving on from her during his time.  
  
He’d promised her that wouldn’t happen though. She’d gotten goodnight/morning texts, every day since they haven’t seen each other and the texting was basically non-stop. To some people it might seem clingy, but she’s just happy he’s not scared to give her the reassurance she needs, like her ex-husband always was.  
  
They hadn’t put a label on whatever it is they’re doing yet, and she was grateful for his patience, but she also started to wonder if taking things slow was exactly what she wanted. She knows they’re both not ready to jump in head-first, but she knows she’s the reason nothing happened in the physical department yet. He’d never made her feel bad about it, but he also didn’t hide his desires for her. He’d steal some light touches here and there, with an occasional risky text, but he never crossed the line.  
  
She’s been thinking about doing exactly _that_ , lately.  
  
She’s been thinking about how his hands would feel on her waist, pulling him closer to his body, the way his lips would feel trailing down her neck, how his tongue would feel against hers, _how_ ….  
  
Right as her thoughts were about to get away from her, her phone buzzed, indicating she got a text from him.  
  
“ _I miss you, pretty girl. Can I call you_?”  
  
It was honestly crazy how much the prospect of hearing his voice, made her as happy as it did. “ _Cowboy, if you don’t hurry…. Gx”_  
  
He didn’t waste any time, as her phone started going off seconds later.  
  
“Oh my god, please don’t go without calling me for that long again”, she said as soon as she picked up. Not even caring about how needy she sounded.  
  
Blake chuckled at her adorableness. “I’m sorry. Things have been pretty hectic around here; I’m preparing for this country festival thing tomorrow and on top of that I had a shitload of business to take care of, back at the ranch. But I’ve been meaning to call you sooner.”  
  
She feels a little bit bad for bringing it up, since he genuinely sounds apologetic, but the overwhelming happiness at finally hearing his voice again, makes her forget all about it. “Wow cowboy, you’re quite busy these days.”  
  
“I guess you could say that”, he chuckled. “How was your day, baby girl?”  
  
“I have the kids here with me, so it was mostly me being in mom-mode all day, making sure they didn’t kill each other”, she huffed. “Like I’m so happy they’re here, but I seriously feel like I’ve been running a marathon, with how much I had to run after them.”  
  
“I should hang up, let you get some sleep, then.” He sounded a little bummed, but she could tell he was sincere with his care for her.  
  
“Just a little bit longer”, she basically whined. God, she never expected to turn into _that_ person.  
  
He didn’t respond right away, but she could tell he was smiling on the other end of the line. It was obvious neither one had their feelings under control anymore, and it was only a matter of time before things would reach a boiling point.  
  
“Hey, you know what”, he started. “I almost forgot to ask you, but Adam’s throwing a party next week to celebrate the beginning of the live shows. Will you be there? I....I really want to see you, Gwen”, he stumbled over his words a little and she wondered why he suddenly got nervous. “I mean, I understand if you can’t make it, if you have the kids ofcourse. I just thought…. _you know_ …It’d be nice to see you again.”

Something about him getting all flustered about seeing her again, made her heart explode. She wasn’t used to someone being so open and honest about his feelings and she’d never felt missed and appreciated like this before. It’s insane how just talking to Blake, had made her realize all the things she didn’t get before, but deserved to have, all along.  
  
“The kids will actually be back with their dad by then”. She answered. It was bittersweet, really, cause not having her kids with her is still the most hurtful thing she’ll probably have to endure, but thinking about finally seeing Blake again, got her smiling regardless. “I really want to see you too, Blake. I _need_ to see you, actually.”  
  
She knows he isn’t used to being told he’s missed either, so she makes sure to emphasize on the ‘needing’ part. It’s always been pretty easy for her, being transparent like that. She wears her heart on her sleeve and that’s the only way she knows how to do things. And if Blake can benefit from that, she’s more than happy to provide.  
  
“I never thought I’d say this, but you’re actually making me miss L.A.” He says playfully.  
  
She doesn’t know if it’s because it’s late and she’s exhausted, or because she feels like that sentence has a much deeper meaning, but she can feel herself getting emotional. “Well, I am kind of good like that”, she jokes.  
  
He answers without skipping a beat.

  
“The best.”

  
**  
  
She hasn’t seen him since he left to Oklahoma three weeks ago, and she hasn’t been able to get him out of her head once.

Her life had been about lawyers, drama, heartbreak and confusion for months, but somehow Blake managed to intercept her thoughts anyways. She figured that once things would calm down for her again - _and she didn’t need the distraction he provided as much anymore-_ , her feelings would slowly subside, but the opposite happened: she only thought about him more.  
  
Getting ready for this party at Adam’s, was the most excited she’s been about going out in a very long time. She's always been a social person, and likes to be surrounded by a lot of people, but this almost feels like some sort of awakening within her; she's so much more present. She takes a while getting ready, because _yeah_ , she's dressing to impress this time.

The party seems to be a success; it's crowded, there's good music playing and everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. Adam and Behati had greeted her excessively, as they progressed to some small talk, while she occasionally got pulled aside by some industry-people. She's talked to almost everyone in the room, when she realizes _he's_ still not there. She tries not to be too occupied with his arrival, but the amount of times she catches herself glancing at the door or scanning over the people in the room, is starting to feel pathetic.

_What if he couldn't make it?_

The thought alone makes her nervous and she's terrible at hiding it; she's fidgety and restless, and the cocktails she's been sipping on since she's got here, aren't helping her case.

People are still trickling in slowly, and that's when she spots him.

He's being pulled into a conversation the moment he steps foot inside and she wants to scream in frustration; she hasn't seen him in weeks and her patience has hit an all time low.

She doesn't realize she's staring, until those crystal blue eyes are looking at her intensely; smirking at the fact he just caught her checking him out from across the room. He's being polite, but she can tell that his focus isn't with the person talking at all. When the eye contact gets too intense, she decides to venture a bit into the back, waiting for him to come find her later.

She's just finished a conversation of her own when he does.

"Tryna' hide from me, pretty girl?"

She spins around at the sound of his voice and throws herself in his arms, not even thinking twice about everyone else in the room. " _You came_ ", she whispered.

"I'm sorry, I got held up. God, I missed you."

He's rubbing soothing circles on her back, which means he's making contact with her bare skin, since the fabric at the back of her dress is basically non-existent. The heat in the room, combined with the heat he's currently sending through her body gets to be too much and she needs to get him alone. Now.

"Can we step outside for a little bit?" Her voice sounded weak to her own ears, but he took her hand as soon as she spoke the words and lead them outside.

No words are spoken as her arms immediately come to rest around his neck, clinging to him like she was gonna die if she didn't. She might be slightly tipsy by now, which causes her to be a bit more uninhibited than usual. "I don't think I'm ever gonna want to let go."

He laughed at that, his hands resting on her hips. "You're drunk."

"Maybe a little tipsy. I meant what I said, though."

She could feel his breath come in hot against the skin behind her ear, as he spoke. "I like that."

Her arms remain hanging around his neck, but she moves her head back slightly, looking at him confused. "Like what?"

"Your honesty", he breathes. " _You_." Gwen shudders at his words, subconsciously pressing her body more firmly against his. "I like you, Gwen. A lot." He adds lowly.

She's known for a while now, -he's never been too shy to show it-, but hearing him say the words out loud is a whole other ballgame. She's stuck between wanting to hear it again and freaking out because of her nerves.

A part of her is screaming at her that this is too soon; she's gonna end up hurt or end up hurting him and those are two things she won't be able to handle.

"I'm scared", she whispers truthfully. "Terrified, actually."

"I know." His voice is gentle, and his hands match his tone, as he moves them up and down her lower back in a soothing motion. "We don't have to do anything, but stand here. I just wanted to be honest with you."

He was amazing like that. He was able to make her feel wanted, without pressuring her. At that, she finally pried her body away from his, but his hands never left her sides.

"We don't have to do anything, but we _can_. Right?" He looked at her mischievously, but she could tell he was hesitant, not wanting to push her too far. "I really want to do something", she reassured him.

That was it.

He kisses her then, his hands moving off her hips and up to cup her face. It was soft and gentle, but confident and determined. The way he kisses her mirrors the way he is with her.

" _God, Blake_ ", she murmurs as he momentarily pulls back.

He smiles at her, while his hands move to the back of her head, tangling into her blonde locks. "You're amazing." His forehead is resting on hers and she's sure he can see the tears welling up in her eyes; suddenly overcome with emotion and _love_ for the guy standing in front of her.

_"Kiss me again."_

And he does immediately.

All fear is long- forgotten; all she's focused on are her little exhalations of breath, as he kisses hers away entirely.

 


	4. Chapter 4

This might be the first time she’s nervous around him. She’s used to him looking at her like she’s the best thing he’s ever seen, but she’s not so used to these same eyes looking at her with defeat in them.  
  
“What do you want to do then?”, he asks softly, looking down at the ground.  
  
_“I don’t know_ ”, she whispers. She wants everything when it comes to him, but the feelings he’s unlocked within her are too much, _too soon_. “I just know I value this friendship too much to do anything to jeopardize it.”  
  
The same hands that have gently held hers numerous times before, are now running pointlessly through his already dishevelled hair, and she wants nothing more than to reach out and grab them, - keep them steady-, but instead she closes her eyes, unable to look at the damage her words are doing.  
  
“I don’t want to jeopardize anything either, Gwen.” His words sound carefully selected; a loud contrast to the usually unfiltered Blake she’s gotten accustomed to.  
  
Hearing him talk hurts. She wants Blake to tell her he’s not giving up on her, even though she’s the one pushing him away. She wants Blake to talk all the sense she’s currently losing, back into her. Instead, he seems to accept the rejection, almost like he expected nothing less and she hates to be the one playing into his insecurities.  
  
He chimes in like he can read her mind.

“I can’t fight for us if it’s not what you want. _I’ve been there done that._ ”  
  
It feels like a slap to the face to be compared to the situation with his ex and she can’t help the way she spits out her next words.  
  
“ _I’m not her_.”  
  
“And I’m not _him_ , yet you’re running from me like I am.”  
  
It’s crazy how fast things were slipping out of her grasp. Everything felt like a typical good day when she woke up; she would spend the whole day at the voice, share lunch with Blake in her trailer and hopefully spend some more time with him after taping was over. She wasn’t prepared for Blake stopping her before they went back to filming, telling her that spending time with her had soon become the highlight of his day and how his feelings for her had quickly turned from strictly friends, to something more.  
  
She sure as hell didn’t expect her reaction to his admission to be this one.  
  
“I’m not…. I don’t mean to… _it’s just a lot.”_ Her thoughts are scrambled and she can’t seem to come up with well-put together sentences to save her life.  
  
“It’s a lot for me too, you know.” It’s the first time they’re making intense eye contact ever since this whole conversation went down, and she’s taken aback by all the fear in his eyes.

“I’m still so broken, Blake”, she’s crying now. “Everything in my life has literally exploded and I was blessed enough to have this thing with you and I can’t lose that.” Her breathing was ragged and it took all the strength she could muster to not break their glance. “ _Please don’t make me lose that.”_  
  
She knew it wasn’t fair to him and she hates how the words escaped her mouth, but not nearly as much as she hates how he closed the distance between them to engulf her in his strong arms, like his own heart wasn’t breaking. She still clung to him regardless, her hands fisting the shirt on his back as she felt her body shake softly against his. “I’ll still be here for you, Gwen”, he whispers against her hair. “I just need to go home and be by myself for a while, figure out what to do next, y’know.”  
  
She let go of him reluctantly and stepped back a little. “ _Now_?”  
  
“I think so, yeah.”  
  
She couldn’t do more than nod. This was her fault, the least she could do was not make him feel bad about needing some time. Hell, she probably could use some time herself. Still, watching Blake move towards the door, felt like a dagger through her heart.  
  
“Blake?”  
  
He stopped dead in his tracks. “Yeah?”  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
He shot her a small, sympathetic smile, before answering and gently shutting the door behind him. “Me too.”  
  
It wasn’t until she was sure he left the premises that she let herself completely break down. Sobs soon took over her body as she let herself slide down to the floor of her trailer. She can’t even count the times she daydreamed about hearing the words ‘ _more than friends_ ’ come from Blake’s mouth; she had to literally tell herself she’d never hear them. But she wanted them to. Then when she did, she pretended like she didn’t want to hear it. She knows it’s probably her heart trying to protect her from even more hurt, but she has serious trouble with seeing the good in what just happened.  
  
She doesn’t blame Blake for walking away. He’s been loving someone with one foot outside the door for the longest, settling for ‘ _almost_ ’ and ‘ _maybes_ ’ and he can’t, _won’t_ , do that to himself again. It’s ironic because her situation is identical to his and she feels the exact same way, yet she managed to somehow convince him she’s hesitant about them. The truth is she’s been all in since she’s met him. There had never been a choice.  
  
Now she managed to end this before it even started.  
  
She picked up her phone, debating on sending him a text, explaining all of this to him, make him come back, but the fear of being too late and possibly ignored, stopped her and eventually fuelled her with anger. Anger towards herself for choosing flight instead of fight, anger towards Blake for making her like him so damn much and anger at her life, for just not being able to get things to align for her. Instead of texting him, she threw her phone against the opposite wall of her trailer, not even caring about probably needing to get that fixed. Her eyes filled up again and she took a deep breath, deciding to stay put right here until at least her throbbing headache’s gone. There’s no way she’s driving home like this.  
  
**  
  
It’s been almost a week and there had been no contact between them whatsoever. They were on a short break from filming the Voice too, so she hadn’t been able to see him either. Even though he told her he needed some time, she still felt disappointed at him staying silent. She tries not to dwell on it too much, keeps herself busy as much as she can, but every time she checks her phone with no new notification, it feels like a punch in the face.  
  
The calling and texting between them had basically been non-stop. Whether it was her sending random pictures of her kids, or some semi-flirtatious texts throughout the day, it was enough to keep her satisfied. It had been a long time since she was able to be so unapologetically herself and goofy with another person; Blake brought out the side of her she’d been working so hard at to hide away and it felt beyond freeing.  
  
With her kids being at Gavin’s and another night approaching with no text or call from Blake, she felt like she was going insane, the silence almost deafening. She needed to fix this somehow. Letting go of previous restrictions, she dialled his number and inhaled a shaky breath as she waited for him to answer.  
  
When she heard his voice come through, the dam broke. “You picked up”, she whispered tearfully.  
  
“Looks like it”, he chuckled.  
  
It wasn’t necessarily awkward, but it was clear he ran out of words to say to her, which caused an unexpected boldness to rise within her; it was time to step up.  
  
“I miss you. I know I ruined things, made you feel like I didn’t feel the same way about you, but nothing could be further from the truth.” She had no idea where her rambling was going, but she couldn’t stop herself. “I’m so scared, Blake. You’ve been the one steady thing in my life recently and when you told me how you _really_ felt…. all I could think of was it ending in heartbreak, because...”, she choked on her own words and swallowed harshly, “that’s all I’ve ever known.”  
  
She closed her eyes, terrified of the silence that followed.  
  
“I’m scared too.” Came his voice.  
  
“I know that”, she breathes. “I also know I hurt you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Blake.”  
  
“Gwen, I’m not upset at this being too soon for you. You know I don’t mind waiting for you, all of this IS fast! I didn’t make myself any illusions about you and I, and where things would go after I told you”, he said softly. “I’m upset you acted like it came as one big surprise. Like I just threw that at ya, out of the blue. I felt like we were kinda on the same page with that, y’know?”  
  
“ _We are_!” she exclaimed.  
  
“Are we?”  
  
She runs her hand through her hair, as she lets herself fall back onto the pillow underneath her, shuddering out a huge sigh. “We are. At least I think so. Do you still mean what you said?” She sounds insecure to herself even and she mentally slaps herself for not being able to hide that better.  
  
“My feelings for you aren’t just gonna change, cause they ain’t reciprocated”, he laughs bitterly.  
  
It hurts her how he’s still convinced she doesn’t feel the same way about him, but she gets it. It’s his turn to protect his heart now and she has no problem with putting in some extra work to proof him wrong.  
  
“Can I come over? I want to tell you something and I don’t want to do it over the phone.” It takes him a while to answer and she suddenly realizes he might not even be here. “ _Shit_ , are you even in LA?”  
  
She hears him chuckle loudly and she doesn’t know how much she misses that sound until she hears it. “Yeah, I’m here.”  
  
Her mind goes wild and she ponders on the thought he might’ve stayed close because of her. She doesn’t dare to speak though, since he still hasn’t answered her previous question.  
  
As on cue, he speaks again. “You’re always welcome, Gwen.”  
  
It takes her less than 40 minutes to hang up, get herself presentable and drive over to his place. She might’ve ignored every traffic sign on the way, but she couldn’t get herself to care. She needed to see him, tell him she’s done running. _Show him_.  
  
He must’ve heard her car pull up in his driveway, because his door is already opening when she’s not even halfway out of her car. She makes her way over to him quickly, unable to spend another second without his arms around her. They stay like that for a while, neither one of them daring to put a stop to this moment. “ _I thought I lost you_ ”, she whispered.

“I told you, you wouldn’t.” He replied quickly. “You gotta start trusting me a little, _darlin'."_  
  
She took that as her cue to pull away a little, - not enough to step out of his arms-, but enough to be able to look him in the eyes. “I do trust you. I trust you a lot, Blake.”  
  
He’s started rubbing soft circles on her back and his dimpled smile comes out as soon as she spoke the words, yet he still seemed hesitant.  
  
“You wanna come in?” he asks eventually, realizing they’re still in his doorway.  
  
She shakes her head, confusing him momentarily. “No, I wanna do this right here.”  
  
“Okay.” He sounds nervous almost.  
  
“I’m sorry, Blake. I’m sorry for playing into your insecurities the way that I have. I never wanna be the one to do that”, she starts, feeling herself get emotional already. “I know we both just got out of some pretty shitty relationships and you need the reassurance just as much as I do.” He tilts his head away from her slightly, and she guides him right back with a gentle hand on his cheek. “I couldn’t give you that reassurance right then and there, cause I freaked out, but I can give it to you now.”  
  
“I don’t want you to say things you don’t mean.”  
  
She smiles at him softly, her hand still on his face. “Good, because I wouldn’t do that to you. I wouldn’t stand here and say these things, if I didn’t mean them. I like you a lot, Blake. So much it scares me.”  
  
He raises his eyebrow at her, surprised at her saying these words out loud. “Look Gwen, I don’t ever want you to feel pressured to do this. _I just couldn’t….”_  
  
He was cut off by her lips pressing into his, her hand gripping the back of his neck as she deepened the kiss. The next thing she knows, she feels his tongue slide into her mouth, moaning softly as he holds her even tighter against him. She imagined their first kiss a thousand times in her head, but nothing compared to the actual feeling.  
  
They broke away for a moment to breathe, before he moved forward and captured her lips again. This time she decided to take charge a little as she pushed her body more firmly into his, causing his back to hit the door. Her hand had moved up from the back of his neck, to his dishevelled curls, gripping tightly.  
  
She teasingly tugged at his bottom lip, before retreating. “I don’t feel pressured”, she said slightly out of breath, causing him to laugh. “I wanna do this. Slow and steady, right?”  
  
He beamed down at her, placing a quick peck on her lips for good measure. “ _Slow and steady.”_

 

  
**  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

It's day five of waking up on this beautiful ranch back in Montana. This getaway trip was supposed to do both her and her three boys some good, while simultaneously create some distance between her and Blake. Nothing screamed of peace and serenity more than a gorgeous secluded place, large forests, tall evergreen trees and beautiful horses. Yet, nothing seemed to scream "Blake Shelton" more either. _Yeah, maybe she hadn't completely thought this one through._

Much time to worry about it wasn't granted to her though, with being a full time mom. Zuma and Kingston were all over the place, so she could only pray they'd lose some of their energy during one of their hikes, while bouncing a sleepy Apollo on her hip. When time came for everyone to calm down and have some lunch, Lizzy offered to take care of the kids, so she could pry herself away from the crowd for a little bit; settling herself down at the only place where wifi and quality phone-reception seemed to be a thing.

She can't deny the overwhelming disappointment washing over her when she realizes there are zero missed texts or calls from a certain cowboy. Her insecurities kick in right away and for a moment she thinks about just getting back out there to her kids and forget about all this, since she quite possibly made it a bigger thing in her head; he's just not interested in her like _that_.

For some reason she can't seem to move though and she wills her heart rate to even out; she wonders if the rapid rising and falling of her chest is an indication of her breathing or suffocating.

During these last couple weeks, she realized that if there was one thing Blake was good at, it was at calming her down. His presence put her at ease in the most magical way; she wasn't drained from pretending to be someone else after a day spent with him. She wasn't worried about hiding her self proclaimed "ugly parts" whenever he was around. He wanted the "real" version of her, the Gwen Stefani who was fiercely herself.

Things were going fast mentally, but physically they hadn't necessarily crossed a line. Sure, a couple touches here and there and a few hugs where they lingered maybe a second too long to be considered "friendly", but other than that, no one made a move like that yet. She scared herself with how desperately she wanted him to make one.

After a couple more moments spend in thought, she decides to go for it and dials his number. He picks up almost immediately and for some reason it reduces a bit of the pressure on her chest.

"Hey beautiful". His voice ever as upbeat and comforting.

" _Hi_ ", her voice sounds strained and she has to swallow a few times before she tries again. "Hey cowboy."

Her initial struggle obviously didn't go unnoticed by him. "Gwen, is everything okay?"

She tries to giggle her one out of this one, but even that's not easy as it seems to get stuck in the back of her throat, causing her to cough. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is great until you can't seem to get a grip on yourself...

"Yeah, _I'm sorry_." And then she's crying. She's not even entirely sure why and she's sure Blake thinks she's crazy now, but the tears keep falling, all the while Blake patiently waits it out, making the occasional _shushing_ noises. When the worst is over, she hears his worried voice come through once again. "Gwen, please talk to me. What's wrong? And don't tell me everything's fine."

She used to consider herself to be a pretty happy person, - she lived her life seeing the good in everything and everyone-, but over the years, a certain kind of darkness managed to settle in deep within her and slowly but surely, that youthful optimism had made place for an equal amount of harsh reality; the rose-coloured glasses had been knocked off. _Or so she thought...._

Hanging out with Blake had re-installed that faith she had in people, in love. Not saying that she's in love with him yet, but she could definitely see it happening. It woke her up, but it also paralyses her with fear; fear of her feelings not being reciprocated once again. With everything going on in her mind, the only thing she manages to reply in answer to his question is a soft "I miss you."

Not being one to rush her, and also needing to hear more of what's going on, he stays silent. Waiting for her to continue when she's ready.

"I know I said leaving for a while might be the best thing for us right now, but all it seems to have done for me so far, is attaching me to you even more." She whispers.

She stops talking again and his soft "keep going", coaxes her to continue.  
  
"I'm scared Blake", she says a bit more firmly. "I'm scared about the fact I haven't been able to get you off my mind since I've got here and I'm scared this time away is doing the exact opposite for you."

This makes him interrupt her for the first time. "Gwen, what are you talking about?"

"We haven't gone a day without talking before I left and now there's... _nothing_ ", she sighed. "I guess I just expected there to be at least one text, you know?" She added.

"What? No, Gwen. _Oh my god_ ", his voice sounds frantic now, panicked. "That's _so_ not what this meant."

There's a pause after his words and she can't get herself to speak up before him. Luckily he gets the memo and picks up where he left off.

"The only reason I didn't text or call you, was because I know how much this time away with your boys meant to you. You already gave me so much more of your time than I could have ever imagined, I figured the least I could do was fall back while you enjoy your vacation."

Hearing his sweet, selfless words caused another flood of tears to run down her cheek, but this time there was a smile on her face.

"Besides, I thought you also wanted to get away from us....from _me_ , for a while." Her smile disappeared as she heard him speak those words and she quickly jumped in.

"I never wanted to get away from you. Please don't ever think that. I just needed to figure my feelings out and I couldn't do that in my every-day surroundings."

She can't see him, but his voice gives away the huge smile on his face. "What have you figured out so far?"

She giggles shyly, her tears long gone by now. "I figured out there's no running from these feelings."

"These feelings being...?"

He wants her to spell it out for him and she thinks she's ready to do just that.

"These feelings being that I want to see where this goes." _These feelings being that I want you_ , is what she doesn't say, but she hopes he manages to hear nonetheless. "I want to keep seeing you when I get back. I want us to keep being a thing."

Maybe it was her finally referring to them as an " _us_ ", but something seemed to have changed forever after the words left her mouth.

"That sounds like an absolute dream, _Stefani_."

Her heart fluttered at hearing his cute words and she suddenly felt a lot more confident about where they were heading. They talked for a couple more minutes, before she felt compelled to take the kids of her nanny's hands. She made her way back to the cafeteria area, where she found her kids all tangled up in each other; barely noticing she had left at all. After an exhausting, but fulfilling day at the ranch, she finally managed to put the kids to sleep and carve out some time for herself. Pulling out the notes on her phone, she wrote down some lines of the next song she suddenly got inspiration for.

_"Must be a sign._  
_All the energy's pulling me right back to you._  
 _Tonight, gonna bottle you up and wear it like perfume. Alright, we going in, it's what we're supposed to do. Tonight, open wide.  
Splash. I'm diving in."_

**

She's been back in LA for a couple days and her kids are back with their father. Being alone in her empty mansion was always hard, but after these new developments going on between her and Blake, the distance has been torturous.

When the time finally arrives where she can see him again, the butterflies return with a vengeance, and her body seems to have a will of its own, as she throws herself towards the door, as soon as the bell rings. Not even wasting time with a proper greeting, she lets herself fall into his arms, nearly causing him to stumble back. Somewhere in the back of her mind she can hear him chuckle softly, but all she really focuses on is the way his arms tighten around her body, holding her like he never wants to let go. _So she prays that he doesn't._

"Let's not do that again", she whispers.

He seems to be confused for a minute, as he looks down at her, loosening his grip slightly. "Do what again?"

"Go without seeing each other for so long."

He lets out a breath she wasn't sure he knew he was holding, as he placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. "I missed you so much."

There's no second guessing his statement at all, she believes his words as soon as they're spoken and that's a new sensation on its own. Too much time has been wasted on proving her worth to people who didn't deserve her. She got used to words and actions never matching up, but with Blake everything was different.

She wondered if a heart that has been bruised as badly as hers, could ever love as wholely as she once did, but standing here in front of this man, who holds her so selflessly, she realizes that maybe she's never actually loved like that _ever_. She had wanted to, tried to, but never was given the opportunity to. Until now, it seems like.

"Is it crazy that I really want to kiss you right now?"

The words seem to shock him momentarily, but he recovers quickly. A smirk forming on his features. " _What's crazy is how long it's taking you."_

She moves fast then. Her fingers slip into his hair, moving his head down until his lips are on hers. It's hungry and desperate and when his tongue touches hers for the first time, all bets are off. She somehow manages to drag him inside, shut the door and push him firmly against it. She's usually not this brazen, but there is something about Blake that makes her want to let go of all her previous inhibitions. Her hands wander from his neck, down to his chest, -his rapid heartbeat causing her pull away for a second to look at him-. He grins down at her in response and it's crazy how he can make a moment as intense and passionate as this one, feel so incredibly intimate and sweet.

" _God_ , you don't know how long I've wanted to do that", she whispered.

It's all she has to say for him to connect his lips to hers again, cutting off any next words. His hands trail down to her ass, pushing her more firmly against his body. She knows they're skirting on the edge of taking this too far and in the back of her mind she knows she'll have to stop them at some point, but for now she's getting lost in the feel of his lips softly nibbling on hers and the hot feeling of his hands touching her up. She can't remember ever feeling this good while making out. She doesn't even care about the fact they're literally plastered against her front door, like a bunch of horny teenagers.

When his lips make their way down to her neck, sucking at the available skin there, she gasps and let's out a throaty moan. " _Blake_.."

He turns them around quickly, her back now pressed against the door while he continues his onslaught on her neck. Her breath gets stuck in her throats and she can feel her whole body heating up.

"Fuck Gwen, you're hot."

She grips at his curls, pulling his head up slightly so she can kiss him again, his body falling further into hers in the process. His growing erection poking at her stomach, serves as a reminder that she needs to cut this short. She uses all her strength to pull away slightly and stills against his mouth. "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but we probably need to slow down a little."

He looks slightly disappointed, _so does she,_ but a soft smile graces his lips in the next moment.

"You're probably right", his voice low and gravelly from their steamy make-out. He waits till he gets some of his bearings back, before speaking up again. "That was quite a welcoming."

She blushes and slaps at his chest playfully, before launching forward and pressing him against her once more.

She'll never get enough of hugging this man.

" _So_..... does this mean we're officially living in the moment?" His voice has a hint of playfulness in it, but she knows he's also asking to make sure they're on the same page about what had just happened.

She gently places her arms around his neck, his clear blue eyes staring deeply into her soul as she does.

" _Yes_ ", she whispers sweetly. "And I want all the moments in the world with you."

**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter of this story already. Thanks for all the feedback and comments, they mean so much to me! I'm thinking about expanding this series and doing more stories about 5 different scenarios of them experiencing "a first".  
> Again, thanks for reading & please don't be shy about leaving a comment/ideas !

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!


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